Your Guide to Nursery Settling-In: A Gentle Start for You and Your Child

The First Big Step into a New World

Your child's upcoming start at nursery is a milestone – a moment filled with excitement, pride and new possibilities. At the same time, it's only natural that this big step is accompanied by a mixture of uncertainty and perhaps even a touch of worry. You wonder how your child will manage the transition, whether they'll feel comfortable and quickly make new friends. These feelings are absolutely understandable and a sign of your deep connection and care.

We'd like to reassure you: the settling-in period, when handled professionally and sensitively, isn't an obstacle but rather a fundamental experience that lays the foundation for a happy, curious and confident time at nursery. It's the process through which your child learns to discover a new, safe place, build trusting relationships with new people and experience themselves as a capable little citizen of the world.

This guide is designed to serve as your reliable companion. We'll not only explain the psychological foundations of successful settling-in, but also introduce you to proven educational approaches and, above all, provide you with concrete, practical strategies. Our aim is to equip you with the knowledge and confidence you need to make this transition as smooth and positive as possible for your child – and for yourself. Because successful settling-in is the beginning of a wonderful journey to a safe place for growing, learning and laughing.

The Psychology of Settling-In: Why a Gentle Transition is Crucial

To understand why a gradual and sensitive settling-in process is so essential, we need to look at the fundamental needs of young children. This isn't about educational preferences, but rather psychological principles deeply rooted in human development. A professional nursery not only recognises these principles but builds its entire educational approach upon them.

Attachment Theory by John Bowlby: The Foundation of Trust

In the 1960s, British psychiatrist John Bowlby revolutionised developmental psychology with his attachment theory. His central insight: every person has an innate need to form a close and protective relationship with at least one primary caregiver. For a baby or young child, these are typically the parents.

These attachment figures function as a "secure base". Only when a child knows there's a safe place to which they can return at any time to find comfort and protection do they feel brave enough to explore the world. This interplay between the need for closeness and the drive to explore is the engine of child development.

From this perspective, settling into nursery is a highly sensitive process: your child learns to build another trusting relationship with a new person – their key person. This person becomes a secondary, secure attachment figure who, in your absence, takes on the role of "secure base". Building this relationship takes time, patience and, above all, the sense of security that your initial presence provides. A strong bond with parents doesn't make this process more difficult – quite the contrary: a secure parent-child attachment is the best foundation for your child to have sufficient basic trust to embrace new relationships.

Attachment, Exploration and Brain Development: How Security Sparks Curiosity

Modern neuroscience impressively confirms what Bowlby intuitively grasped: emotional security is the prerequisite for successful learning. When a child experiences stress – for example, through an abrupt and unaccompanied separation – their body releases stress hormones such as cortisol. Prolonged stress can demonstrably have a negative impact on brain development. The child is in a state of "high alert" and cannot use their energy for what's so important to their development: playing, discovering, experimenting and interacting with others.

Sensitive, loving care, on the other hand, promotes optimal neural connections in the brain. When a child feels safe and secure, their exploration system is active. They're curious, open to new experiences and ready to learn. High-quality early years education, as practised in leading nurseries, creates precisely this environment. It's based on scientific foundations that support the child's development holistically:

Lev Vygotsky's approach emphasises that learning is a social process. A practitioner who acts as a "personal coach" recognises exactly where the child is and builds a secure relationship to gently support them in their "zone of proximal development".

Maria Montessori's pedagogy gives the child freedom to act independently through a prepared environment. However, a child can only bring the famous motto "Help me to do it myself" to life when they feel the inner security that grows from a reliable attachment.

An excellent pedagogical approach, therefore, isn't an arbitrary collection of methods, but rather the direct application of these fundamental psychological principles. It creates an ecosystem in which secure attachments form the natural foundation for curiosity, independence and lifelong learning.

The Four Attachment Styles: Understanding and Supporting Your Child Individually

Attachment research, particularly the work of Mary Ainsworth, has shown that children develop different patterns in how they handle closeness and separation. These "attachment styles" aren't rigid labels, but rather help us understand why children may react differently to settling-in. A sensitive pedagogical team uses this knowledge to meet each child exactly where they are.

1. The securely attached style: These children use their parents as a secure base. They may protest briefly during separation but are readily comforted by the practitioner and quickly engage in play. When parents return, they show joy and actively seek contact. They've learnt that their needs are reliably met.

2. The insecure-avoidant style: These children often show little reaction to separation and appear very independent. They tend to suppress their needs so as not to burden their caregiver. When parents return, they often ignore them or turn away. They particularly need sensitive practitioners who can recognise their subtle signals and show them that their needs are welcome.

3. The insecure-ambivalent style: These children are often very clingy and react to separation with considerable distress. They're difficult for the practitioner to soothe. When parents return, they display contradictory behaviour: they intensely seek closeness but are simultaneously angry or rejecting. They need plenty of reassurance and consistency to develop trust.

4. The disorganised style: This behaviour is rarer and often linked to distressing experiences. Children show bizarre, contradictory behaviours – they may freeze, display stereotypical movements, or simultaneously seek closeness whilst pushing the caregiver away. These children require particularly well-trained support informed by trauma-sensitive practice.

It's crucial to understand that these patterns aren't anyone's "fault", but rather the result of previous relationship experiences. Professional settling-in offers the opportunity to create positive new relationship experiences and strengthen the child's trust in the world and in themselves.

Established Models at a Glance: A Guide Through Educational Approaches

Over time, various models for managing the settling-in process have become established in educational practice. They all share the aim of making the transition as gentle as possible for the child, but emphasise different priorities. Understanding these models helps you make sense of your nursery's approach and understand why certain steps are carried out in a particular way.

The Berlin Settling-In Model: The Structured Classic

Developed in the 1980s, the Berlin Model is probably the best known and most widely used. It provides a clear, structured framework that offers guidance to both parents and practitioners. The process is divided into clearly defined phases:

1. Information phase: Before beginning, a detailed conversation takes place in which the nursery explains the process and parents share information about their child's habits and needs.
2. Three-day basic phase: A parent accompanies the child into the group for one to two hours. The attachment figure remains relatively passive and serves as a "secure base", whilst the practitioner gently makes contact.
3. First separation attempt: On the fourth day, the parent says goodbye after a short time for a maximum of 30 minutes, but remains nearby. The child's reaction determines the further duration of settling-in. If they can be comforted well, the settling-in period may be shorter. If there's strong protest, the separation is immediately discontinued.
4. Stabilisation phase: Separation times are gradually extended. The practitioner increasingly takes over care routines (nappy changing, feeding) and thus strengthens the relationship with the child.
5. Final phase: The parent is no longer present at the nursery but remains contactable at all times. Settling-in is complete when the child has accepted the practitioner as a secure base and allows themselves to be comforted by them.

The Munich Settling-In Model: The Child as Active Participant

Developed in the 1990s, the Munich Model places the child as a competent and active participant in their own settling-in process at the centre. It's less schematic and more generous with time.

The key differences from the Berlin Model are:

• View of the child: Inspired by Reggio pedagogy, this model sees the child as an active constructor who plays a significant role in steering the process ("the child settles themselves in").
• Later separation attempt: A first separation isn't attempted schematically on the fourth day, but only when the child signals of their own accord that they're ready – often not until after one to two weeks.
• Focus on the "nursery as a living environment": The child should not only build an attachment to a single practitioner, but take time to become familiar with the entire new environment with all its routines, children and adults.

Modern Approaches: Participation and the Power of the Group

More recent models develop these fundamental ideas further and place even greater emphasis on the participation of everyone involved and on social dynamics.

• The Tübingen Model (peer group settling-in): Here, rather than settling in one individual child, a small group of three to five children are settled in simultaneously. The insight behind this: children learn from and with one another. They see they're not alone in the new situation, support each other and find additional security in their fellow "peers". Parents can also network and exchange experiences during this phase.
• The Participatory Model: This approach places the strongest emphasis on partnership between parents and practitioners. Parents are seen as the experts on their child and actively help shape the settling-in process. All steps are agreed jointly (verbally and non-verbally) with the child and parents. The pace is determined exclusively by the child's signals, which requires a high degree of individualisation and sensitivity.

Little Star's Approach: The Best of All Worlds, Tailored for Your Child

Rather than rigidly following a single model, a modern, evidence-based approach integrates the most valuable elements from different philosophies to enable a bespoke settling-in experience for each child. At Little Star, we understand that every child and every family is unique. Our process is therefore:

• Structured and reliable (like the Berlin Model), to provide you and your child with orientation and security. The process is transparent and discussed in detail beforehand.
• Child-centred and participatory (like the Munich and Participatory Models), because we see your child as a competent agent of their own development. Our practitioners closely observe your child's signals and use these to guide the next steps. Your knowledge as parents is invaluable in this process.
• Social and community-focused (like the Tübingen Model), because our international community naturally promotes peer learning. New children see how other children confidently interact with our German- and English-speaking practitioners, which awakens curiosity and reduces anxieties.

The foundation for this individualised support is our unique Early Years Curriculum® (EYC®) and the careful documentation in each child's digital development portfolio. This ensures that the settling-in process doesn't follow a rigid template, but dynamically adapts to your child's needs and pace.

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The Settling-In Process Step by Step: A Practical Guide for Parents

Having explored the theoretical foundations, we'd now like to provide you with a practical guide. This process synthesises the best practices from established models and gives you a clear idea of what to expect during each phase and how you can optimally support your child.

Phase 1: Preparation – Laying the Foundations for Trust

Successful settling-in begins long before the first day at nursery. Careful preparation reduces uncertainty on all sides and creates a positive atmosphere.

• The conversation with the nursery: Use the personal introductory meeting to clarify all your questions. Ask about the daily routine, mealtimes and sleep rituals, the key person system and how communication with parents is managed. Transparent and open dialogue is the basis for a trusting partnership.
• Preparing your child mentally: Talk positively and with excitement about nursery at home. Tell them about the wonderful toys there and that they'll meet lots of other children to play with. Picture books about starting nursery can also help make the unfamiliar feel familiar and spark curiosity.
• Practical preparations: Involve your child. Choose a rucksack or water bottle together. If necessary, begin gradually adjusting sleep and mealtimes at home to match the nursery routine. This creates continuity and eases the transition.

Phase 2: The First Days – Arriving and Observing (approx. Days 1-3)

The first days are all about settling in. It's about getting to know the new environment, the sounds, the smells and the people within a safe framework.

• Your role as "secure base": During this phase, your main task is simply to be there. Find yourself a regular spot in the room from which your child can see you easily. Be present and attentive, but behave rather passively. Give your child the freedom to explore at their own pace. If they seek your closeness, provide it unreservedly.
• The practitioner's role: The key person will approach you and your child gently. They won't rush towards your child, but will gradually make contact through play opportunities or observation. During this phase there's no pressure whatsoever.

Phase 3: The First Separation Attempt – A Decisive Moment (from Day 4 or later)

The timing of the first brief separation is one of the most sensitive moments. It should be chosen based on your child's signals rather than a rigid timetable.

• When is your child ready? A good sign is when your child moves away from you to play and appears relaxed whilst doing so. If they seek contact with the key person of their own accord or respond positively to their play invitations, a first attempt can be made.
• The goodbye ritual: Establish a brief, clear and loving goodbye ritual from the start. This might be a kiss, a firm hug and a cheerful "I'm going now for a little while and I'll be back soon". What's important: always say goodbye! Sneaking away secretly destroys your child's trust in a lasting way.
• The reaction as a measure: The first separation should only last a few minutes (maximum 30 minutes). If your child cries briefly but then allows themselves to be comforted by the key person and returns to play, the attempt was successful. However, if they appear inconsolable and distressed, the separation is immediately discontinued and you'll be called back. This isn't a failure, but rather an important signal that your child needs a little more time.

Phase 4: Stabilisation – Consolidating Trust and Establishing Routines

After a successful first separation attempt, the phase begins in which the relationship with the key person is consolidated and absence periods are gradually extended.

• Gradual extension: Separation times are now extended day by day, always taking your child's reaction into account.
• The key person becomes an attachment figure: During this phase, the key person increasingly takes over care routines such as nappy changing, feeding or helping with dressing. They become the person who provides comfort when you're not there, and thus consolidates their role as a secondary, reliable attachment figure.
• The power of rituals: Fixed rituals in the daily routine, such as morning circle time, shared mealtimes or rest periods, give your child orientation and predictability. These recurring structures create a sense of security that makes it easier for them to feel comfortable even over longer periods without you.

Phase 5: Completion – Your Child Has Settled

Settling-in is a process, not an event with a fixed end date. Nevertheless, there are clear signs that your child has settled at nursery and feels secure.

Checklist for successful settling-in:

• Your child goes happily to nursery in the morning or protests only briefly.
• They allow themselves to be comforted by the key person at goodbye.
• They play actively, appear curious and show interest in other children.
• They eat and sleep at the setting (where applicable).
• When needed, they actively seek contact and comfort from their key person.

The review meeting: Many nurseries conduct a reflective discussion with you after a few weeks. Here the process is reviewed together and the focus turns to the time ahead at nursery. Settling-in is complete, but the partnership between you and the nursery continues.‍

Case Study: The Settling-In of "Sophie" (2 years) in a Bilingual Environment at Little Star

To make the theory more tangible, we'd like to describe Sophie's settling-in process. This case study illustrates what an individualised approach can look like in a specialised setting such as Little Star.

The Starting Point:

Sophie is two years old and comes from a monolingual German-speaking family. She's naturally more observant and needs a little time to warm up in new situations. Her parents are enthusiastic about Little Star's bilingual approach, but also concerned about whether the second language and separation might overwhelm Sophie.

The Process at Little Star:

Phase 1: Preparation and Getting Acquainted

In the detailed admissions meeting, practitioners Anna (German-speaking) and Kate (English-speaking) get to know Sophie and her parents. The parents openly share their concerns. The team explains the immersion principle "One face = one language", which creates clarity and predictability for the child.

Phase 2: The First Days (Days 1-3)

During the first days, Sophie stays close to her mother. Her German-speaking key person Anna gently builds contact through fascinating Montessori materials that invite independent exploration. Kate, the English-speaking practitioner, is present in the room. She doesn't apply any pressure, but creates a positive atmosphere by singing songs from the "Jolly Phonics" programme and using simple baby sign language gestures. Sophie watches her curiously from the safety of her mother's lap.

Phase 3: First Separation and Stabilisation (Day 4 - End of Week 2)

On the fifth day, after Sophie has begun to respond to Anna's play invitations, the first separation attempt takes place for 15 minutes following a loving goodbye ritual. Sophie cries briefly, but Anna can comfort her by showing her a familiar picture book. Sophie calms down and observes Kate doing an English finger rhyme with other children. Over the following days, separation times are gradually extended. A key experience for Sophie is observing the other children. In her internationally diverse group, she sees how other children effortlessly and playfully switch between German and English. This peer learning awakens her curiosity and normalises bilingualism.

Phase 4: Settling In (Week 3)

Sophie begins eating at nursery and having her afternoon nap there. She's built a secure attachment to both practitioners. One afternoon, she spontaneously hands Kate a building block and says "look". Her parents are delighted when they see a photo of a smiling Sophie doing a puzzle with Kate and another child. The daily updates and monthly development reports give them the reassurance that Sophie isn't just well cared for, but optimally supported.

The Outcome:

After just under three weeks, Sophie has successfully settled in. She's not only built a secure attachment to her key people, but is also curiously immersing herself in the English "language bath". The parents' initial concerns have transformed into delight at their daughter's cognitive flexibility and growing confidence. The bilingual environment wasn't an additional stressor, but rather an enriching element that opened up new ways of communication and relationship-building through music and play.

Expert Tips: How to Optimally Support Your Child (and Yourself)

Settling-in is a team effort. Alongside the professional framework provided by the nursery, you as parents can make a crucial contribution to its success. Here you'll find a collection of tried-and-tested tips and checklists.

The Checklist for the Nursery Start: What Really Belongs in the Rucksack

Good preparation takes the stress out of the morning routine. Your child should have the following things at nursery:

• Clothing for all weathers: A raincoat, waterproof trousers and wellies are essential, as children often go outdoors even in wet weather.
• Spare clothing: At least one complete set (vest/underwear, socks/tights, trousers, top) should always be kept in your child's cubby.
• Indoor shoes: Non-slip, well-fitting slippers or soft leather shoes for time spent indoors.
• Seasonal items: In summer, a sun hat and sun cream; in winter, a hat, scarf (ideally a snood) and gloves.
• A familiar comfort object: A cuddly toy, comfort blanket or small photo album with family pictures.
• Labelling: Mark all personal items with your child's name to avoid mix-ups.

Some nurseries offer a comprehensive service that significantly reduces organisational effort for parents. At Little Star, for example, nappies, wipes, care products as well as all meals and snacks are already included as part of the all-inclusive care, so you needn't worry about these things.

Handling Tears and Separation Distress

Tears at goodbye are normal and often even a healthy sign of secure attachment. They signal: "You're important to me, please don't go!". What matters is how you and the practitioners respond:

• Acknowledge, don't dismiss: Tell your child that you understand they're sad. "I can see you're sad that I'm leaving. Anna/Kate will look after you well, and I'll be back after lunch."
• Keep the goodbye brief: Once you've said goodbye, please leave. Prolonged hesitation or coming back only makes the situation harder for your child.
• Trust the professionals: Practitioners are trained to lovingly support and comfort children. They won't leave your child alone. Do feel free to ask for a brief phone call after 15 minutes to hear that your child has settled. In most cases, separation distress is quickly forgotten once the child has become engaged in play.

The Power of Transitional Objects

A so-called "transitional object" is an emotional bridge between the familiar world at home and the new environment of nursery. This might be a favourite cuddly toy, a comfort blanket or even a T-shirt you've worn that carries your scent. These items provide comfort and give a sense of security and familiarity when your child feels uncertain. They help them to self-regulate and cope better with separation.

Your Attitude Matters: The Power of Confidence

Children have extremely sensitive antennae for their parents' moods. If you're anxious, uncertain or stressed, this tension will transmit to your child. Try, therefore, to project an attitude of calm and confidence:

• Radiate positivity: Show your child that you consider the nursery to be a wonderful and safe place.
• Be confident in your decision: You've made a good choice for your child. Stand by this decision. Your conviction gives your child stability.
• Look after yourself too: Settling-in can be emotionally demanding for parents as well. During this time, consciously plan something good for yourself whilst your child is at nursery.

Communication is Everything: Partnership with Practitioners

Successful settling-in is based on a close, trusting partnership between you and the practitioners. Open and regular communication is absolutely vital.

• Share information: Keep the key person informed about your child's current state. Have they slept poorly? Are they teething? Such information helps the team better understand your child's behaviour.
• Ask questions: Don't hesitate to ask how your child's day has been.
• Use modern communication tools: Leading nurseries professionalise this partnership through the use of digital tools. A digital development portfolio, regular updates via a parent app with photos and brief reports from daily life, as well as detailed monthly development reports create transparent and vibrant communication. These tools bridge the distance during the day and give you the certainty that your child isn't just well cared for, but is developing wonderfully. They're a sign of professional and respectful collaboration as equal partners.

Many nurseries also use learning journey folders to document the child's development and experiences. Parents are often invited to create the first "About me" pages together with their child, which is a wonderful way to make meaningful use of the waiting time during settling-in.

Conclusion: A Strong Start for a Happy Time at Nursery

Settling into nursery is far more than just a logistical phase before returning to work. It's a fundamental transition in your child's life and your family's – a process that, when handled well, lays the foundation for years of learning, social growth and joy.

We hope this guide has shown you that you can approach this step with knowledge and confidence. The most important insights can be summed up in a few points:

• Settling-in is a process, not a race. Each child has their own pace, and this pace sets the tempo.
• A strong, secure attachment is paramount. Building a trusting relationship with the key person is the central goal.
• Your attitude is crucial. Your calm, your trust and your positive outlook are your child's strongest supports.
• Choosing the right nursery is the most important foundation. A setting that guides this process professionally, with evidence-based practice and, above all, with love and individualisation, makes all the difference.

A successful start at nursery strengthens your child in lasting ways. They learn to cope with change, place trust in other people and experience themselves as competent and effective. It's the beginning of a wonderful journey on which your child discovers their "hundred languages", as Reggio pedagogy so aptly puts it, and grows into a curious, confident and caring person.

We at Little Star understand that this first big step is unique – just like your child. Our experienced team supports you and your family with evidence-based practice, heart and plenty of individual attention, guided by our values of respect, motivation, confidence and care. Learn more about our approach and how we enable your child to have a start full of confidence and curiosity. We'd be delighted to arrange a personal meeting.