Child Development Psychology: What Your Child Really Needs

Your child takes their first step – and you hold your breath. Two weeks later, a friend mentions that her child was already walking at nine months. Is your child too late? Too slow? Or simply right on track?

This is a question that occupies almost every parent at some point. And it is entirely understandable – because from a developmental psychology perspective, the first six years of life are the most significant phase in the whole of human existence. What happens during this time lays the foundation for everything that follows: thinking, language, empathy, and self-confidence.

This guide gives you the knowledge you need: what your child develops and when, why certain behaviours are completely normal – and when you genuinely need to pay closer attention.

1. What Does Child Development Psychology Mean – and Why Should Parents Know About It?

Developmental psychology is the science that examines how human beings change from birth through to adulthood. For parents, one area is particularly relevant: early childhood developmental psychology – that is, everything that happens between a child's first breath and the start of school.

This field answers questions you may never have asked aloud, but have almost certainly thought: why does my two-year-old flatly refuse to share? Why has my four-year-old suddenly started lying – and should I be worried? From what age can I expect my child to control their anger?

The good news is that behind almost everything that concerns parents lies entirely normal developmental behaviour. And understanding these connections not only helps you feel calmer as a parent – it also enables you to support your child in a more informed and purposeful way.

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2. Your Child's Brain: What Happens in the First 1,000 Days

When developmental psychologists speak of the "first 1,000 days" – from conception to a child's second birthday – they do so for good reason. The figures are quite simply breathtaking.

During this period, more than one million new neural connections form every second. A newborn's brain uses almost all of its available energy exclusively for the growth and interconnection of nerve cells. By the age of five, the brain has already reached 88% of its eventual adult size – a rate of development that is never repeated at any other point in a person's life.

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What does this mean for you as a parent? It means that what a child experiences during these years literally shapes the architecture of their brain. Not in the sense of pressure or early academic intervention – but in the sense of reliable relationships, curious exploration, and loving guidance.

Current neuroplasticity research (Cizmeci et al., 2026, Pediatric Research) further shows that early experiences influence not only the brain itself, but also the brain's capacity to change later in life. This so-called metaplasticity makes early childhood the most formative phase – not the only one, but the most fundamental.

3. Cognitive Development: How Your Child Learns to Think

When a child picks up a stone and pushes it across the floor as though it were a car, something remarkable is taking place: they are using one thing as a symbol for another. This ability – symbolic thinking – marks the beginning of abstract thought and represents one of the greatest cognitive leaps in child development.

The Swiss developmental psychologist Jean Piaget was the first to describe systematically how children become thinkers. His model is now over 60 years old – but the core idea remains valid: children construct their knowledge actively. They are not empty vessels waiting to be filled. They are little researchers.

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What This Means Today: Executive Functions

Piaget described what children think. Current research has turned its attention to a fascinating complementary question: how do children regulate their thinking and behaviour? The answer lies in what are known as executive functions – and their importance can hardly be overstated.

Executive functions encompass three core areas: working memory (holding information in mind), inhibition (suppressing impulses), and cognitive flexibility (switching between tasks). Recent longitudinal studies (Gavrilova et al., 2024) demonstrate that these abilities predict academic success more reliably than IQ.

The good news is that executive functions can be actively developed – not through formal training, but through high-quality interaction. Role play, games with rules, creative problem-solving tasks, and exploring questions together ("Why does wood float?") train precisely these abilities, playfully and almost imperceptibly.

A practical example: when a child cannot solve a problem straight away during play and tries a different approach instead, they are training cognitive flexibility. When they wait their turn, they are practising inhibition. These everyday situations are educationally more valuable than any structured learning programme.

4. Language Development: From First Sounds to Conversation

"My child isn't talking much yet – should I be worried?" This is a question that reaches paediatricians and child development advisers more frequently than almost any other. And the answer depends greatly on the child's age.

Language development is closely intertwined with all other areas of development. Language is not simply "learning to talk" – it is the most important tool a child has for organising their thoughts, expressing their feelings, and building social relationships.

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What Is a Late Talker – and When Does It Become a Concern?

A late talker is a child who, at the age of two, speaks fewer than 50 words and has not yet begun forming two-word combinations, without any neurological cause being identified. Approximately 15–20% of all two-year-olds fall into this category.

It is important to know that just over half of these children catch up without any intervention (known as "late bloomers"). The other half benefit from early language support. The guidance is therefore: observe, but do not simply wait and see. Speak to your paediatrician if your child is using fewer than 50 words at 24 months or is not yet combining words.

Bilingual Upbringing: What the Research Actually Shows

In Switzerland – a country with four national languages and a high proportion of residents with migrant backgrounds – multilingualism is not the exception but the norm. And parents quite rightly ask: will two languages at once confuse my child?

The research is unequivocal: no. A recent study (Muszyńska et al., 2025, Journal of Child Language, Cambridge, n=604) comparing bilingual and monolingual children shows that bilingual children reach all early language milestones – first word, first multi-word combination – at the same age as monolingual children.

What can genuinely be more challenging is that vocabulary in each individual language may be smaller. This, however, is misleading as an indicator of overall ability. When both languages are counted together, total vocabulary is on a par. The single most important factor for successful bilingual development is consistency: when a carer speaks one language exclusively, the child learns to distinguish between both language systems with confidence.

5. Motor Development: When Will My Child Walk, Climb, and Draw?

"When will my child finally start walking?" – this question tops the list of worries for many parents. The good news is that the normal range is wide.

The WHO Child Growth Study, which analysed data from children across six countries, shows a range of 8 to 18 months for independent walking – all of which is entirely normal. The average is 12–13 months, but reaching the average is not a requirement; it is simply a statistic.

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Notably, around 35% of all children stand before they crawl. Approximately 4% never crawl at all – and go on to walk without any difficulty. The classic developmental sequence is a model, not a requirement. Your child writes their own.

6. Social and Emotional Development: When Your Child Learns to Feel, Share, and Argue

Social and emotional development is perhaps the area that occupies parents most – because it has the most direct impact on daily family life. The defiant phase, hitting, refusing to share, shyness: all of these reflect development, not poor parenting.

The Autonomy Phase ("Defiant Phase"): Why Your Child Contradicts You

Between approximately 18 months and 4 years of age, your child discovers that they are an independent person – with their own will, their own wishes, their own ideas. And they test this discovery every single day. This is known as the autonomy phase – the term "defiant phase" is actually misleading, because your child is not being defiant. They are becoming.

When a two-year-old has a meltdown because the wrong cup was put in front of them, it is not a performance. Their prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain that controls impulses and regulates frustration – is neurologically not yet capable of putting the brakes on strong emotions. This is quite literally a question of brain maturity, not of upbringing.

Why Your Child Does Not Want to Share – and Why That Is Fine

"They need to learn to share!" – this wish is entirely understandable. From a developmental psychology perspective, however, it is simply unrealistic for children under three to four years of age.

Sharing requires empathy – that is, the ability to understand and relate to another person's feelings and needs. This ability (theory of mind) does not begin to develop until around the age of three. Children between one and three are developmentally incapable of sharing voluntarily. More recent research (Fabricius et al.) even suggests that a genuine understanding of others' perspectives does not fully establish itself until the age of six to seven – earlier than previously assumed.

What helps: model sharing, but do not force it. Create situations in which cooperation is rewarded. And above all: be patient. Most children begin to share voluntarily between the ages of four and five.

Attachment: The Invisible Foundation

Behind almost all social and emotional development lies one fundamental condition: attachment. Children who have formed a secure bond with at least one stable carer explore more confidently, recover more quickly from setbacks, and develop stronger self-regulation abilities.

The most comprehensive meta-analysis of recent years (Madigan et al., 2024, Psychological Bulletin, n > 10,000) confirms that parental sensitivity is the single most important factor in secure attachment. Not perfection, not constant availability – but the ability to respond reliably to a child's signals.

For daily nursery life, this means that the settling-in process – with consistent key carers and a gradual building of relationships – is not a bureaucratic formality. It is developmentally grounded practice. Quality-oriented settings therefore work with the key person model, in which one carer accompanies the child through their daily routine and serves as a secure base from which exploration becomes possible.

7. Self-Regulation and Resilience: Skills for Life

When you watch your child learning to persevere with a difficult puzzle, even when they are frustrated – you are witnessing one of the most valuable developmental moments there is: self-regulation in the making.

Research confirms that self-regulation in pre-school age significantly predicts, ten years later, how well a child performs at school, how they manage their health and stress, and how they form social relationships (Howard & Williams, 2018). This effect is stronger and more consistent than any measure of intelligence.

And the encouraging thing is that self-regulation is not an innate trait. It is trained – through every situation in which a child learns to pause briefly before reacting.

Resilience: How Children Grow Strong

Resilience is not the same as toughness or invulnerability. Resilience means that a child is able to remain well and recover despite setbacks and challenges. This ability grows from three sources:

• Self-efficacy: The child experiences that their own actions make a difference.
• Reliable attachment: There is at least one stable carer in whom the child has trust.
• Active problem-solving: The child learns to cope with difficulties – rather than avoiding them.

All three sources can be actively nurtured in everyday life. Tasks that are just within reach (neither too easy nor overwhelming) strengthen self-efficacy. Consistent carers build trust. And situations in which children are allowed to search for solutions themselves – rather than being given an answer straight away – train active problem-solving thinking.

8. Erik Erikson and the Psychosocial Crises: What Your Child Needs at Every Stage

While Piaget asked how children think, Erik Erikson asked: who do they become? His model of psychosocial development describes each phase of life as a challenge – a crisis that calls to be resolved. Not crisis in the sense of catastrophe, but crisis in the sense of a crossroads.

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The first phase – basic trust – is neurobiologically particularly crucial. When an infant experiences that their signals are responded to reliably, a neurological sense of security forms that underpins all subsequent developmental steps. This insight has fundamentally transformed nursery practice in Switzerland and internationally.

9. When Is a Developmental Delay a Genuine Reason for Assessment?

This section is perhaps the most important in the entire guide – because it draws the line between legitimate concern and unnecessary worry.

In Switzerland, parents have access to 15 recommended developmental check-ups. These are designed precisely to detect developmental irregularities at an early stage. Make use of them. And speak to your paediatrician proactively – not only once you are certain that something is wrong.

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One point is important to emphasise: early detection does not mean catastrophe. Quite the opposite – the earlier a developmental delay is identified, the more effective support and therapy will be. The brain is at its most plastic during the first years of life, meaning it responds best to intervention during this period.

10. Frequently Asked Questions from Parents – Answered Briefly

Why has my child suddenly started lying?

Under the age of three to four, children blend fantasy and reality – this is magical thinking, not deliberate deception. The first genuine lies, appearing from around age four, are actually a cognitive milestone: the child is able to put themselves in someone else's position and understands that the other person does not know everything they know. This requires theory of mind.

My child hits other children – is that normal?

Yes, hitting and biting is common in toddlers (aged 1.5–3 years). Children at this age cannot yet reliably control their impulses. Consistently offer alternatives, name the emotion behind the behaviour – and remain patient. This phase passes.

How do I recognise school readiness?

School readiness is not a single ability but a combination of cognitive, linguistic, social, and emotional developmental steps. Children are ready for school when they can concentrate on a task for approximately 20 minutes, understand and follow simple instructions, manage basic self-care (dressing, using the toilet), and cope well in a group setting.

What is the difference between a milestone and a boundary stone?

Milestones mark when 50% of children have reached a particular ability – they are averages. Boundary stones, by contrast, indicate when 90–95% of children have taken that step. Only when a child has not reached a boundary stone is further assessment advisable.

11. What You Can Do Today: Supporting Development in Everyday Lifeheute tun können: Entwicklung im Alltag fördern

Developmental psychology teaches us that the most effective support lies not in structured learning programmes, but in the quality of everyday interaction. The following tips are grounded in research – and can be put into practice without any extra effort.

For Babies and Toddlers (0–2 years)

• Serve and return: respond to your baby's signals – smile back, respond to their sounds. This back-and-forth interaction actively shapes neural networks.
• Narrate what you are doing: "Now I'm putting your jacket on – it's nice and warm." Language in context is the best language lesson there is.
• Let your child explore on the floor – tummy time is motor skills training.
• Routines provide security: bath time, reading aloud, a bedtime song. Reliability is neurobiological nourishment.

For Pre-school Children (2–6 years)

• Ask questions rather than giving answers: "What do you think makes it fall over?" develops executive functions more effectively than any explanation.
• Allow frustration – resist the urge to help immediately. The window of productive struggle is developmentally invaluable.
• Role play: playing "doctors" or "supermarket" simultaneously trains empathy, language, and creativity.
• Books featuring characters who show emotions help children name and understand their own feelings.
• Nature and movement: climbing, balancing, running – motor development needs space and opportunity

12. Resources for Parents in Switzerland

Switzerland has a well-developed network of support services for parents. Make use of them – they are free of charge, easily accessible, and of high quality.

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13. Conclusion: Every Child Develops – at Their Own Pace

Developmental psychology has shown with growing conviction over recent decades: there is no "correct" pace. There are ranges, boundary stones, and points of orientation. But no child develops according to a fixed timetable.

What children need is consistent and universal: people who notice their signals and respond to them. Spaces in which they can explore safely. Questions that challenge their curiosity. And adults who are strong enough to tolerate frustration – their own as well as their children's.

The greatest misconception about early childhood development is that nurturing means accelerating children. Good accompaniment means meeting the child where they are – and making the next step just a little easier to reach. No more. No less.

If you take one insight away from this guide, let it be this: trust your child. And trust yourself. The fact that you have read this article is already a sign that you are doing exactly the right thing.