Preparing for Nursery: How to Help Your Child Settle In with Confidence

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The first day of nursery is approaching — a step that many families look forward to and want to prepare for thoughtfully. You may be wondering what your child needs right now, which small routines can ease the transition, and how you as parents can navigate this time well yourselves.

What surprises many parents: a successful start at nursery has less to do with the child's temperament than with how well the preparation went. Not because everything has to be planned perfectly — but because in a completely new environment, children need exactly the same things that give them security at home: familiarity, reliability and the feeling that someone is there they can trust.

This guide will walk you through preparing for nursery step by step — from the first weeks beforehand through to the end of the settling-in period.

1. Why preparation makes a real difference

Imagine starting a new job tomorrow — in a country whose language you don't speak, without knowing how things work there, without knowing a single person, and without being sure when you'll be allowed to go home again. You would probably feel lost, tense, perhaps even a little panicked. That is exactly how an abrupt start at nursery feels for a young child — with the difference that they can't yet put their tension into words.

For children under three, one thing matters above all: the familiar. Their nervous system is wired to seek out what is known and to draw security from it — familiar faces, established daily routines, reliable responses to their behaviour. This need isn't a peculiarity of particularly sensitive children; it's a biological constant. The more of this familiarity is already in place in the new environment — or has been systematically prepared at home — the less energy the child has to spend finding their bearings. And the more is left over for arriving, playing and exploring.

That this isn't an educational ideal but measurable reality is shown by a widely cited study from Berlin: researchers at the Freie Universität compared children who entered nursery without any settling-in period with children who were gradually introduced to their new daily life, accompanied by their parents. The result was clear — and, for many involved, surprisingly dramatic: during the first seven months, the unprepared children were ill four times as often and showed measurable delays in their development. What sounds like an abstract statistic has real consequences: more frequent infections, more tears, parents who have to take time off again — and children who simply lack the inner security to engage with what is new. These findings became the starting point for a gentler, attachment-oriented approach that has now become standard in most German-speaking nurseries.

In other words: good preparation for nursery isn't a luxury for particularly diligent parents, nor extra work for the optimisers. It is simply what genuinely eases the transition for your child — and helps them take from nursery, from day one, what it's actually there for: enjoyable hours, new relationships and the first steps into a wider world.

2. When should you begin preparing for nursery?

Many parents only notice in the final weeks before the start of nursery that they really should have begun much earlier. That's understandable — as long as daily family life is running smoothly, the first day at nursery still feels mentally far away. But the point at which you start preparing largely determines how calm or hectic the final weeks before the start will be — and how well-equipped your child arrives.

The reason lies in how young children learn. Toddlers don't get used to new things through understanding, but through repetition. A shifted bedtime, a new goodbye ritual, a first separation of an hour — each of these adjustments takes days or weeks to become second nature. If sleep times, separation practice and the goodbye ritual are all introduced in the same week — and the first day at nursery is approaching at the same time — these small changes add up for your child into one single, overwhelming uncertainty. Instead, spread the process over several weeks: one thing at a time, with enough breathing space in between so that each change can settle in before the next one follows.

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Why babies need more lead time

For children under 18 months, a significantly longer lead time of 10 to 12 weeks is advisable — and there's a developmental reason for this. At this stage of life, babies are building their first reliable attachments, and forming a new relationship of trust takes longer for them than for older children. A two-year-old can eventually grasp that "Mummy will come back after lunch" — a baby has to internalise this experience through countless small repetitions before it settles in as a certainty. The younger the child, the more time they need accordingly for each individual step: getting to know a new person, the first short separation, the transition to a new sleep situation. Patience in these preparation weeks pays off twice over later — in a shorter, calmer settling-in.

What if time is short?

If you're reading this article two weeks before the start of nursery, there's no reason to panic. Even in a short time, a lot can be done — you simply set clear priorities. Focus on the two things with the greatest impact: gradually moving the sleep rhythm towards nursery hours and establishing a reliable goodbye ritual that you have rehearsed several times at home before it really counts. Both work immediately, both can be started today, and both noticeably reduce your child's stress during the first days at nursery. Everything else will follow quite naturally during the settling-in itself — no one expects you to have ticked off everything in this guide before your child sets foot in the nursery for the first time.

3. Daily routines: the underestimated foundation

When early years practitioners are asked which children settle in fastest, one of the most common answers is: those who already have a regular daily rhythm at home. A child who knows what happens after waking up, what comes after lunch and how the evening unfolds can approach new situations far more calmly — they don't have to constantly reorganise the world, but have an inner compass for what comes next.

The reason for this runs deeper than mere habit. For a small child, routines create the same sense of security that adults know from a familiar home or a well-ordered working day. When a child knows that getting dressed follows breakfast, and that the midday nap follows the walk, their nervous system can relax — they don't have to be constantly on guard for what might happen next. It is precisely this inner relaxation that makes it possible for the child to engage with anything new at all: a new practitioner, an unfamiliar toy, another child in the group.

For this reason, ask the nursery early on about the specific daily schedule — the times for drop-off, morning activities, snack, lunch, midday nap and pick-up. Then bring your home rhythm into line with it in small steps, not as a one-off change but gradually over several weeks. A shift of 15 minutes per week will hardly be noticed by your child; a sudden change of two hours, on the other hand, certainly will. The effect is subtle but tangible: on the first day, your child doesn't arrive in a completely unfamiliar structure, but in a rhythm that already feels familiar in many small details.

That doesn't mean, by the way, that your family life now has to run to the minute. It isn't about perfection but about reliability in the broader pattern — the same wake-up time, the same mealtimes, the same bedtime, a similar sequence of daily activities. Flexibility is allowed, and even important. What matters is that the cornerstones of the day remain recognisable to your child.

4. Separation practice: why it makes such a difference — and how to begin

For most children between one and three years old, the hardest part isn't the new nursery itself — it's their parents leaving. If your child cries or clings to you when saying goodbye, this is entirely normal from a developmental point of view and not a sign that they "aren't ready". Quite the opposite: it's a sign of secure attachment. So-called separation anxiety peaks between eight months and around two years — a phase in which the child can register absence but can't yet reliably hold on to the certainty of return. That certainty has to be built up first, experience by experience.

What helps with this isn't explaining, but practising. A young child's brain doesn't store arguments — it stores experiences. You can reassure a two-year-old a hundred times that you'll come back; what matters isn't the sentence but the repeated experience behind it: "When someone leaves, they also come back. This place is safe."

How to begin with separation practice

Start in familiar surroundings. Not immediately with strangers, but with people your child already knows — grandparents, a close friend, a familiar neighbour. A familiar setting is also ideal, such as your own home or the grandparents' place.

Announce every separation. "I'm going out to do some shopping now. Granny is here with you. I'll be back in an hour." Every time. Without exception. The brief protest at the announcement is far less harmful than the mistrust that builds up when you simply disappear.

Come back at the time you said you would. This is the most important sentence in this whole article. If you say "in an hour", then be back in an hour. Your child's trust in your reliability is the foundation on which everything else is built.

Build up gradually. Twenty minutes, then forty-five, then two hours, eventually half a day. Take your cue from your child's response, not from a fixed plan: if the last separation felt easy, you can go longer; if your child was tense, stay at the same length next time.

Always say goodbye. Never slip away unnoticed — not even when your child seems deeply absorbed in play. The feeling of suddenly being alone, without knowing when it happened, leaves a child who never really lets go inside.

In practice, all of this is surprisingly hard — especially for you. Watching your child cry and still turning to leave goes against every parental instinct. But that's precisely the point: your child doesn't learn from what you say, but from what you do consistently. Your calm reliability is what builds trust — not the attempt to avoid the tears.

5. The goodbye ritual: your most important tool

When parents ask about the one thing that makes the biggest difference — it's the goodbye ritual. Not because it makes saying goodbye pleasant, but because it gives your child something that genuinely soothes their nervous system: predictability. When a child knows what comes next — even if what comes next is their mother leaving — the inner alarm level drops noticeably. For a young child, the unknown is always more unsettling than the difficult.

The best goodbye ritual is the one that suits you. It only needs three qualities:

• Short — two to three minutes, no more. Three minutes are enough to convey security; anything beyond that tends to produce the opposite effect.
• Clear — always the same sequence, the same words, the same gestures. It's precisely this repetition that creates the calming effect.
• Consistent — keep it up even when your child cries harder or protests. It is the consistency that conveys security; a watered-down ritual loses its protective power.

6. By age: what really helps your child

Babies (6–12 months)

For babies, preparing for nursery isn't about training skills. The most important thing is for your baby to experience that they are also in good hands with another familiar person when you're not there — with people they already know. Grandparents, a close friend, a familiar neighbour. Regular short visits, built up over weeks: at the start perhaps once or twice a week for an hour, later longer. A familiar transitional object also helps: a comfort cloth or favourite cuddly toy that already provides security at home and can later come along to nursery.

And then there's the rhythm: babies orient themselves strongly around bodily routines — hunger, sleep, warmth. A firm daily structure with consistent sleep and mealtimes isn't a corset for them but a source of orientation. The more reliable these physical cornerstones are, the easier it is for your baby to engage with new caregivers.

Toddlers (12–24 months)

The second year of life is full of contradictions — and rightly so. Your child wants to do everything themselves and clings to your leg five minutes later. The peak of separation anxiety also falls within this phase. What helps now is consistent reliability: practise separations regularly, always announced, always picked up on time. And, almost as a side effect, encourage the small steps of independence — eating on their own, holding the cup, joining in with getting dressed. Not because the nursery expects it, but because the feeling of "I can do this" gives your child enormous security in the new environment.

Toddlers from age 2

From around age two, you can also prepare your child for nursery through language. Talk concretely and honestly about what happens there: who will be there, what they'll play, when you'll come to pick them up. Picture books about nursery life are worth their weight in gold here — ideally everyday stories without big dramatic arcs, in which drop-off and pick-up appear as a natural part of the day. Playing "nursery" at home with soft toys or dolls can also achieve a surprising amount.

And please: stay honest. Don't say "You're going to love it every time." Say: "Sometimes it feels strange at first. And I always come back." That's a promise your child can trust.

7. What your child needs to be able to do — and what they don't

No nursery in Switzerland expects your child to be out of nappies, to eat independently or to handle other children without conflict. These are precisely the developmental steps nurseries are there for — they aren't a place where a "finished" child arrives, but a place where development happens. So don't let yourself be unsettled when well-meant comments come from your wider circle about what your child should supposedly already be able to do.

What does genuinely help, however, is as much everyday independence as possible. Children who join in with getting dressed, drink on their own and sit at the table to eat experience themselves as competent within the group — and that strengthens self-confidence at the very moment when everything else is new and overwhelming. A child who arrives at nursery with the feeling "I can do this myself" approaches the new environment with more curiosity and less tension. So it's less about teaching your child more skills before nursery starts than about giving them the chance to take pleasure in their own small progress.

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‍8. Settling in: what actually happens — and what your role is

Settling in isn't a bureaucratic process to be "ticked off". It is the moment when your child builds a new bond — with a person they learn to trust, even when you aren't there. This bond cannot be ordered into being, only made possible. It needs time, small successes and the occasional setback. And it works best when you yourself are able to let go.

That sounds easier than it is. Most parents experience settling in as just as intense as their children do — perhaps even more so. Because children often stop crying quickly once you're gone, while you yourself are still emotionally caught up in the goodbye an hour later. That's entirely normal. It isn't because you're too sensitive — it's because your own letting go moves at a different pace from your child's. Both can sit alongside each other.

This is precisely why we at Little Star Day School take settling in so seriously — for your child, but also for you as parents. What this looks like in practice at our setting is set out below.

Attachment-oriented settling in — step by step

Our attachment-oriented approach to settling in is the foundation of our educational work. It ensures that the child keeps their secure bond with their parents while at the same time building trust in new caregivers, step by step. This allows them to get to know the new environment at their own pace and gradually feel safe. Experience from over two decades shows again and again: when children are given enough time to build trust, stable relationships emerge — and with them the basis for a love of learning, self-confidence and healthy development. Long-serving members of staff also play an important role here. Their experience stands for stability, continuity and reliable relationships, which are especially valuable for small children. Because in the end, it isn't only about childcare. It's about giving children a place where they feel safe, understood and welcome.

The most important thing to remember: the calendar doesn't set the pace — your child does. The following phases are a guide, not a rigid schedule.

First meeting: You come in with your child and meet the key person. This meeting centres on exchanging information about your child. The key person receives important details and guidance from you that will help with their care. This first meeting lasts around 1 to 1.5 hours. Afterwards, you go home with your child.

Foundation phase: You now come in to the nursery with your child for 1–2 days, staying around two hours each time. Your role is simply to be there — as a quiet, secure base — while your child gets to know the room, the other children and, above all, the key person on their own. Stay in the background; don't actively encourage your child to play or to engage with the practitioner.

First separation attempt: You say a short goodbye using the practised ritual and leave the room — for no more than 30 minutes. If your child protests intensely and doesn't calm down quickly: return at once. That isn't failure, but an important signal — your child needs a few more days.

Extension phase: Separation times are extended day by day, always following the child, not a plan. You remain reachable and close by at all times.

Stabilisation phase: Your child can stay at the nursery for the full hours of care. You are reachable by phone.

Completion: Settling in is considered successful when your child actively goes to their key person whenever they need comfort or reassurance — not only when they no longer cry at the goodbye. Crying at the goodbye can still happen even after successful settling in; what matters is that your child then finds their feet again and engages with the key person.

Setbacks are part of the process, by the way. An infection, a long weekend away, a new sleep situation — anything can briefly throw the settling-in off course. That doesn't mean something is going wrong. It means that your child's inner security isn't yet fully stable — and at this stage, that is exactly what you'd expect.

9.The key person at the nursery: the most important mark of quality

To be honest, there is one element at a nursery that determines more than anything else how well your child will settle in: the key person. Not the facilities, not the location, not the opening hours — but the one person who knows your child, who understands their signals and who is there when they need comfort. From the perspective of attachment research, this relationship is the real key: only when your child has a second reliable person they can trust can they truly relax and engage with the new environment.

For that reason, get to know this person before your child starts at the nursery. Tell them how your child settles, how they make contact, what excites them and what overwhelms them. Many nurseries already use a brief profile sheet for this — if not, your own short note (favourite toy, bedtime routine, typical trigger moments) helps a great deal, as it means the information also stays available during a shift change. This exchange may sound unremarkable, but it transforms the first day completely.

When choosing a nursery, also ask actively: how long has the team been working together? How high is staff turnover? Who steps in when the key person is ill or on holiday? A nursery that takes pride in its long-serving staff and gives clear answers to such questions is showing that children there can build reliable bonds. And that is the heart of everything.

10. The nursery checklist: what you need — and what really matters

Before the start of nursery, parents often ask themselves the same question: what actually needs to come along? The short answer: less than most people assume — and much of it depends on how your nursery operates. The differences between settings are bigger than many parents expect. Some nurseries require you to provide almost everything yourself — from nappies and a lunchbox to a sleeping bag. Others work on an all-inclusive model — such as Little Star Day School — and cover much of this within the fee: nappies, toiletries, bedding, often also freshly cooked full catering. The best approach is to clarify this directly in the settling-in meeting. That way, you not only save yourself unnecessary purchases but also know exactly which personal items really need to come from home.

What always comes along, regardless of the model, is the personal element: a familiar cuddly toy, labelled favourite clothes, your child's own little rucksack. It's precisely these small things that give your child the feeling of stepping into the new world with something of their own — and they remain your responsibility at every nursery, no matter how comprehensive the fee otherwise is.

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And finally, since it can easily get lost in all the shopping questions: the most important thing on this list is right at the bottom. No cuddly toy, no sleeping bag, no lunchbox shapes the first day as much as the practised goodbye ritual. Everything else is material — the ritual is relationship.

11. Frequently asked questions about preparing for nursery

From what age is nursery suitable?

In Switzerland, crèches accept children from the third to sixth month onwards. From a developmental psychology perspective, however, experts recommend not planning the start before the fifth or sixth month — in the first months of life, the primary attachment between parent and child consolidates, and this later forms the basis for every further relationship of trust. The younger the child at the start, the more carefully the settling-in should be planned and the smaller the group they join should be. A small infant group with a constant key person is something fundamentally different for a baby than a large mixed-age group.

How long does settling in take?

That depends heavily on the individual child — on their age, temperament, experience with people outside the family and how the first weeks happen to go. With younger babies it usually takes considerably longer than with older toddlers, and that is entirely fine. A longer settling-in period isn't a sign that something is wrong, but that the child is being allowed to arrive at their own pace. So plan generously — the pressure to "get through it quickly" is one of the most common causes of a difficult settling-in. A good nursery will give you a realistic timeframe for your child during the settling-in meeting.

Does my child need to be out of nappies for nursery?

No. In Switzerland, that isn't a requirement. Good settings naturally support children with toilet training — and at many nurseries, nappies and toiletries are even included in the fee. Ask at the settling-in meeting how this is handled in practice and which care products, if any, you should bring along.

My child is still crying at the goodbye after weeks — is that normal?

This happens very often — and it's frequently more normal than it feels. What matters isn't the crying at the goodbye, but how your child is doing after you've gone. Ask the key person directly: "How long does it take for him to calm down? What helps to comfort him? Does he join in happily with the others?" If the child calms down quickly and takes part cheerfully in activities during the day, the crying at the goodbye is usually just a short transition ritual — not a sign of real distress. It's a different matter if the child stays sad all day, barely eats or sleeps, or shows fundamental changes in behaviour at home — in that case, it's worth having an open conversation with the nursery management about possible adjustments.

My child is very fractious or tired in the evenings after nursery — what does that mean?

That isn't just normal but almost the rule — especially in the first weeks. A day at nursery is an enormous cognitive and emotional effort for a young child: new stimuli, new relationships, plenty of group dynamics. What sometimes looks like tantrums or sensory overload in the evening is often simply the lingering tension of the day. Quiet evening routines, fewer appointments on nursery days and an earlier bedtime all help. Over time, this will settle of its own accord.

How do I explain nursery to my child?

Concretely, honestly and without false promises. Instead of "You're going to love it!", try: "There will be other children, you'll play together, the kind Miss X is there for you — and sometimes it feels a bit strange at first. That's okay. I always come back." Picture books about nursery life are a great help from around 18 months. The closer the start gets, the more concrete you can be — talking through the daily routine, walking the route to nursery together, having a look through the window.

How many days a week at nursery make sense?

For children under two, experts recommend at least two to three regular days. Fewer than two days makes it difficult for the child to build familiarity — every day at nursery then feels like starting over again. Even more important than the number is regularity: always the same days, always the same routine. A child who comes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday can anchor these days as reliable islands in their week.

12. In closing: trust yourself and your child

Preparing for nursery isn't a project you have to complete perfectly. It's a process — sometimes messy, sometimes surprisingly easy, sometimes emotional. And that's exactly how it should be.

What you can really give your child isn't an immaculately packed nursery bag or a perfect goodbye ritual. It's the experience that you are reliably there. That you keep your promises. That you trust the process. Children sense this. And they grow through it.

Sooner or later — perhaps after just a few weeks, perhaps only after a few months — there will be a morning when your child grabs the rucksack and wants to head off before you've even put your jacket on. That is the moment that makes all the preparation worth it.